My wife farted so loudly that she woke herself up. Then she turned towards me and said I was disgusting. True love after 30 years of marriage!

Motor cycle gangs:

Matching outfits.
Loyal friends.
Regular outings.
No need to go to the chemist for medication.
Their very own meeting place.

No wonder my granny was so keen to join one.

Mother: This place is getting really dirty. We'll all have to help clean.
8 year old: Why? Who's coming?
Mother: Nobody. We're cleaning up for ourselves.
8 year old: Why? We already know the state we live in.

If you ever see me running start running in the same direction. I never run. There will be a reason!

These are claimed to be true! Small boy in bookshop to owner. What sort of book is this? It's romantic fiction. What's it about? It's a story about two people who fall in love. Are there any dragons in it? No. Why are you bothering to sell it then? Test question for primary school children. If you w...

Status Quo - Pile Driver. This was the first album when they moved from Pye to Vertigo. It was also the album they were promoting when they were the main act at the end of year ball at the small agricultural college I was at at the time. For some reason they were performing in the dining room with a...

There was a news item the other day about a woman who was stopped from boarding a flight because her passport was more than 10 years old. The problem was that it still had 9 months before its expiry date because she'd changed her name when she got married and the passport office had added on the nin...

Martin Lewis has suggested that anyone with a monthly prime account might consider changing to a yearly account before the price rises in September thus getting the next year for £79 rather than the new monthly charge of £8.99.

For anyone who thinks that people are more clever than the previous generation - 50 years ago car handbooks told you how to adjust the valves. Now they tell you not to drink the contents of the battery.

Start sweating when you put fuel in your car?
Feel sick when you're paying for it?
You've got CAROWNER virus!