Taking the piss out of politics

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Dr Bunsen Honeydew
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Taking the piss out of politics

Unread post by Dr Bunsen Honeydew »

It is that time again when pompous arseholes try to make us take them seriously. This is the thread for those that hate the ***** an wish to say so.

So I will go first - Jammy, why are all senior SNP named after fish :shock: is it significant, should we investigate it.

Apprentice
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Re: Taking the piss out of politics

Unread post by Apprentice »

It's all codswallop, that's why

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Re: Taking the piss out of politics

Unread post by jammy395 »

Ah the noble Sturgeon and regal Salmon........Twa finer Fish you will not find this side of the border... :guiness;

Plenty pillocks flounders and haddock in England..... :mrgreen:

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Dr Bunsen Honeydew
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Re: Taking the piss out of politics

Unread post by Dr Bunsen Honeydew »

From the Mince and Tatties Chronicle.

SNP announce plans to re-brand as Scotland’s “fish party”

Details have emerged of a contingency plan the SNP has prepared for the upcoming Westminster election. In the event of losing parliamentary seats to Labour the party has plans to re-brand as Scotland’s “fish party”, with a possible name change to Scottish National Fish Party, or simply The Fish Party. The logo is said to remain unchanged.

Alex Salmon and Nicola Sturgeon were unavailable for comment.

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Dr Bunsen Honeydew
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Re: Taking the piss out of politics

Unread post by Dr Bunsen Honeydew »

Seeing as large percentage of the present cabinet (and not forgetting jolly old bonkers Boris) went to Eton, and Eton operates a "fag" system, does that mean we are their fags :think: personally I have no desire to be a Woodbine.

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Re: Taking the piss out of politics

Unread post by setting son »

If voting made any difference they wouldn't let us do it!

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Dr Bunsen Honeydew
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Re: Taking the piss out of politics

Unread post by Dr Bunsen Honeydew »

If voting made any difference they would charge us for it!

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Dr Bunsen Honeydew
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Re: Taking the piss out of politics

Unread post by Dr Bunsen Honeydew »

Well they can be bought (allegedly) for about £10k to ask a question in Parliament. It would almost be worth investing £10k in someone standing up in Parliament and asking "why don't you all fuck-off?".

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Re: Taking the piss out of politics

Unread post by Dr Bunsen Honeydew »

While walking down the street one day a Cabinet Member is tragically hit by a car and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the Golden Gate.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the man.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the politician.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They're having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit heaven," he says.

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realises it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The politician reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell." So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell and the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

"I don't understand," stammers the politician. "When I was here previously, there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "When you were last here, we were campaigning...... Today you have voted."

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Re: Taking the piss out of politics

Unread post by Firebug1 »

^Could have been funny if only it had not been so close to truth....
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