Jokes & Funnies

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howardc1951
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Re: Jokes & Funnies

Unread post by howardc1951 »

governmentium
The heaviest chemical element yet known to science. Governmentium (Gv) has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Governmentium has a normal half-life of three years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium--an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
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Re: Jokes & Funnies

Unread post by slinger »

After all the abuse I've handed out to Johnson, Trump, and the like on Twitter, this...
What happened?

We have determined that this account violated the Twitter Rules. Specifically, for:

Violating our rules against promoting or encouraging suicide or self-harm.

You may not promote or encourage suicide or self-harm. When we receive reports that a person is threatening suicide or self-harm, we may take a number of steps to assist them, such as reaching out to that person and providing resources such as contact information for our mental health partners.

If you are having thoughts of self-harm, suicide, or depression, we encourage you to please reach out to someone and request help. Our Safety Center has a list of resources you can consult for a variety of reasons, including depression, loneliness, substance abuse, illness, relationship problems, and economic problems. You can find those resources here: about.twitter.com/safety/safety-partners.html#mental-health/gb.

Please know that there are people out there who care about you, and that you are not alone.
So, what was this heinous Tweet I published, encouraging a person to self-harm, or even kill themself?
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Re: Jokes & Funnies

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Re: Jokes & Funnies

Unread post by savvypaul »

Mary had a little skirt
It had splits up the sides
And everywhere that Mary went
The boys could see her thighs
She also had another skirt
With a long split up the front
She doesn't wear that one any more
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terrybooth (Wed Feb 24, 2021 8:24 pm)
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Re: Jokes & Funnies

Unread post by howardc1951 »

Teenager for sale. Comes with rolling eyes, deep sighs and sarcastic comments. Capable of playing video games for hours on end, not getting up in the morning and texting at 200 words per minute. No reasonable offer refused.
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slinger (Tue Feb 23, 2021 9:07 pm) • TheMarlin (Wed Feb 24, 2021 11:52 am)

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Re: Jokes & Funnies

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Re: Jokes & Funnies

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2 men fishing in a boat, one on each side. Every time one casts his line he immediately gets a bite but the other doesn't catch anything. The one who keeps catching the fish, feeling for his friend, suggests they swap sides which they do. The one who was catching all the fish keeps catching them while his friend still can't get a bite. "Look" says the successful one. "I'll stop but you carry on". He winds his line in but his friend carries on and suddenly he gets a tug on his line. Excitedly he winds in his line to find a piece of paper on the hook. Eagerly he reads it. "What happened to the other guy?" it says

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Re: Jokes & Funnies

Unread post by terrybooth »

slinger wrote: Mon Feb 22, 2021 7:09 pm I always made sure my beard was pleasantly oiled too. :lol:
Well, if it wasn't before, it would have been afterwards.
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slinger (Wed Feb 24, 2021 11:04 pm)
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Re: Jokes & Funnies

Unread post by slinger »

terrybooth wrote: Wed Feb 24, 2021 8:19 pm
slinger wrote: Mon Feb 22, 2021 7:09 pm I always made sure my beard was pleasantly oiled too. :lol:
Well, if it wasn't before, it would have been afterwards.
Ah, but afterwards it didn't smell of Sandalwood any more.
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terrybooth (Wed Feb 24, 2021 11:06 pm)
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Re: Jokes & Funnies

Unread post by slinger »

One fine morning in Eden, God was looking for Adam and Eve, but couldn't find them. Later in the day God saw Adam and asked where he and Eve were earlier.

Adam said, "This morning Eve and I made love for the first time, Lord."

God said, "Adam, you have sinned. I knew this would happen. Where is Eve now?

Adam replied, "She's down at the river, washing herself out."

"Bloody Hell," says God, "On top of your sinning now all the fish will smell funny."
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