Jokes & Funnies

[TheMarlin]

[slinger]

The wife told me yesterday that our cat needed to be chipped. I only had a 9-iron, but I got him over the shed.

I found out yesterday that I'm Dyslexic. I turned up to a Toga party dressed as a goat.

[howardc1951]

2 men are sitting in a bar when a woman starts to choke on her burger. One of the men walks over to her, stands behind her and puts his hands on either side of her head and asks her if she can swallow. The woman indicates she can't. The man then asks If she can breathe. Again the woman indicates she can't. The man then bends her over, pulls down her panties and licks her buttocks. The woman is so surprised she jumps forward and the piece of burger shoots out. The man returns to his seat, sits down and says "It's amazing how that hind lick manoeuvre always works!"

[slinger]

[slinger]

[TheMarlin]

[slinger]

New study finds people only go to Glastonbury to tell people they went to Glastonbury

[slinger]

[CN211276]

Job Centre next week

[slinger]

I'm off to Wales for the annual Button-Pushers conference. Prestatyn.

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Smoking bacon will cure it. Go figger.

Genie: “What is your final wish?”
Me: “I wish I were you”
Genue: “Weurd but alrught”