Jokes & Funnies

[Geoff.R.G]

I believe you can catch beneral disease if you download a picture of a lady's bagina.

Written in Engbish I see!

[BadgerBeerIsBest]

My girlfriend told me she thought she might be a lesbian because during sex she thought about other women.
"Well, I must be a lesbian too." I replied.

I was shagging a girl over the kitchen table when we heard the front door opening.
"That's my husband!" she said, "Quick, try the back door."
I knew I should have left before her husband caught me, but there's no way I was refusing an offer like that!!

I was talking to a girl in a pub the other night and I said "You remind me of my little toe."
She said "Is that because I'm small and cute?"
I replied "No, because I'll probably end up banging you on my coffee table."

A man walks into a Welsh pub and orders a white wine spritzer. The bar goes silent as everyone stares at him. "Where are you from? You sound English",
"I'm from across the Severn ," replies the man nervously.
"What do you do, just across the Severn ?",
"I'm a taxidermist."
"What on earth is one of those?".
"I mount animals."
"Its alright boys," shouts the barman, "he's one of us."

I've just had a letter back from Screwfix. They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.

My wife just got back from a medical check up where the Gynaecologist told her 'no sex for a month'. I asked her if the dentist said anything?

Police are looking for a rapist with honey, walnuts & filo pastry smeared on his face. The victim said he was wearing a baklava.

[slinger]

And, here's the antidote...

[slinger]

This did, genuinely,. make me laugh out loud.

[slinger]

Don't panic, guys, I've called the emergency services...

[Rick4001]

[Rick4001]

Is the squirrel's name Pauline and does she live in a tree?

[Rick4001]

Is the squirrel's name Pauline and does she live in a tree?

She's an animal, alright...

[TheMarlin]

[slinger]