Jokes & Funnies

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howardc1951
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Re: Jokes & Funnies

Unread post by howardc1951 »

I met a girl in the pub who told me that if I went outside with her she'd show me a good time. So we went outside and she ran 100 metres in 4.5 seconds.
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Re: Jokes & Funnies

Unread post by Fretless »

In 1970, George Harrison was recording his first solo record and arguably the best by a Beatle, "All things Must Pass." The session for the song, "The Art of Dying" featured former Beatle Ringo Starr on drums, keyboard legend Billy Preston on keys, virtuoso Eric Clapton on guitar, and was produced by the notorious Phil Spector.

Harrison wanted a conga player for the session, so Ringo's chauffeur reached out to Phil Collins' manager. At the time, Collins was a relative unknown who was about to join Genesis, a band that would bring him worldwide stardom.

The 18-year-old Collins was starstruck playing on a session with two former Beatles, so he played extra hard in rehearsals, resulting in blood blisters on both hands.

"Anyway, after about two hours of this, Phil Spector says, 'Okay congas, you play this time.' And I'd had my mic off, so everybody laughed, but my hands were shot," Collins told Express.

"And just after that they all disappeared – someone said they were watching TV or something – and I was told I could go," after that, Collins was relieved of his duties and told to go home. A few months later, Collins bought the massive triple album in the record shop and was devastated to learn he'd been edited out of the song.

"There must be some mistake! Collins thought. "But it's a different version of the song, and I'm not on it."

Some thirty years later, Collins bought the home of Formula One driver Jackie Stewart, a close friend of Harrison. Stewart mentioned to Collins that Harrison was remixing "All Things Must Pass" for a rerelease.

"And he said, 'You were on it, weren't you?' And I said, 'Well I was there,"' Collins recalled.

Two days later, a tape was delivered from Harrison to Collins with a note that read: "Could this be you?" Collins continued: "I rush off and listen to it, and straight away I recognize it." It was a recording of "The Art of Dying."

"Suddenly the congas come in – too loud and just awful," Collins was devastated, then as the end of the take, Harrison can be heard saying, "Hey, Phil, can we try another without the conga player?"

Collins was devastated, to say the least.

A while later, Stewart calls Collins and puts Harrison on the line. "'Did you get the tape?' Harrison asked. "I now realize I was fired by a Beatle," Collins sighed. The two changed the subject, but a few minutes later, Harrison couldn't stop laughing.

"Don't worry, it was a piss-take. I got Ray Cooper to play really badly and we dubbed it on," Harrison admitted. "Thought you'd like it!" So, Harrison had an entire recording session with a conga player who he asked to play poorly, just to pull one over on Collins.

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Re: Jokes & Funnies

Unread post by slinger »

I saw an even more "rock 'n' roll" version of the above just recently.

In the story I read Harrison says he actually got a band in for the day to re-record the whole track, and made sure his voice was heard at the end saying to 'Spector': “Get [rid] of the lad on the congas, he’s crap.”

He told Phil, “I deliberately played the worst congas imaginable and said at the end, ‘the lad on the congas was useless’, just so I could send them [the tapes] to ya."

“I wish I could have seen your face. I’ll send you the real sessions now, you sounded great.”

I said, ‘You fucking bastard!'”, Collins then reminisced in hindsight, “It was lovely, wasn’t it?”
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TheMarlin (Mon Feb 15, 2021 3:32 pm)
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Re: Jokes & Funnies

Unread post by TheMarlin »

slinger wrote: Mon Feb 15, 2021 1:58 pm I saw an even more "rock 'n' roll" version of the above just recently.

In the story I read Harrison says he actually got a band in for the day to re-record the whole track, and made sure his voice was heard at the end saying to 'Spector': “Get [rid] of the lad on the congas, he’s crap.”

He told Phil, “I deliberately played the worst congas imaginable and said at the end, ‘the lad on the congas was useless’, just so I could send them [the tapes] to ya."

“I wish I could have seen your face. I’ll send you the real sessions now, you sounded great.”

I said, ‘You fucking bastard!'”, Collins then reminisced in hindsight, “It was lovely, wasn’t it?”
That’s the same one I read recently. This is the third version of this story I’ve seen. I have a feeling it’s more of an urban legend than truth.
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Re: Jokes & Funnies

Unread post by slinger »

It's one of those possibly apocryphal stories you really, really, hope is true. :lol:
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Fretless (Mon Feb 15, 2021 8:22 pm) • Geoff.R.G (Mon Feb 15, 2021 11:01 pm)
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Re: Jokes & Funnies

Unread post by howardc1951 »

New research finds that 10 out of 9 people are bad at maths.
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Re: Jokes & Funnies

Unread post by slinger »

howardc1951 wrote: Tue Feb 16, 2021 1:03 am New research finds that 10 out of 9 people are bad at maths.
They also discovered that 47.9% of all statistics are made up.
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Re: Jokes & Funnies

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Re: Jokes & Funnies

Unread post by slinger »

And my "Tweet Of The Day" goes too...
Kazz
@KazzJenkins

I was born a female. I identify as a female. But according to Tesco's sticky toffee pudding I'm a family of four.
10:32 AM · Feb 18, 2021·Twitter for Android
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Re: Jokes & Funnies

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They've landed a Rover on Mars. I expect it will be as unreliable as ours was and will break down soon. Maybe next time they should send a Toyota?
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