Fretless wrote: ↑Sat Jul 09, 2022 9:35 am
As a personal aside, my wife (a lot older than me - now 75) is starting to go the same way. It is not a pleasant or easy process to be involved in.
You have mentioned this previously and I really feel for you. I hope it goes the best it can.
Dementia is such a cruel thing and as CN says it appears to be on the increase. My sister in Cyprus apparently has early onset lewy bodies Dementia however it hasn't been officially diagnosed because they have no money to pay for such things. Myself and other siblings are paying her mortgage, bills and groceries.
It makes one wonder what is instore for yourself down the line. Dying in your own home on your own terms is very important, it is the final thing I can do for her.
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karatestu wrote: ↑Sat Jul 09, 2022 7:23 am
It's been a rough few weeks. My mum had a stay in hospital but came out a month ago. I love her so much it hurts. Unfortunately her recent troubles seem to have accelerated her dementia and she now is refusing food and drink. She is a shadow of her former self. This is going to break me, I am not strong enough to deal with this. She is an amazing woman and certainly does not deserve to suffer. Love you mum..
That's putting a far too negative a spin on things.
You are strong enough to cope with this. Because you're a human being. And whilst none of us can help what emotions we feel, we can all control how we act in response to those emotions.
As I'm writing this, tears are appearing in my eyes, because it's reminded me of certain highly disappointing and sad things that have happened in my life. But I know that when I've finished typing this post I will get up, have some breakfast, do some sewing, do some window frame painting whilst listening to 1970's albums on my Grados and mobile phone, make a salad, probably go to a barbecue and generally soak up the pleasure of being alive and in good health on this glorious summers day.
So overall I'll have a few minutes of feeling sad and several hours of feeling emotionally neutral or content today. I think that's a good enough deal.
I would expect the same sort of thing to happen to you, except in different proportions. Sad and disappointed when you think of your mum. Neutral or content when you're getting on with stuff and when socialising with people that you like or love.
Negative spin is my thing Lindsay, you should know that by now .
You are of course quite correct and I will get through it for the sake of my wife, kids and friends. I can't avoid or fix this. She has battled so much for so long I thought she would go on forever.
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I know it isn't much comfort, but the Good Book says not to worry about the things you cannot influence.
Easier said than done but it's really good advice.
Both sets of my grandparents were extremely religious. My mum and dad were not religious. I am not religious either but I can see it's value. It must be comforting to be a believer and that seems very attractive at the present time.
I will try and remember that ie not worry about things I can't influence.
One week on and my mum is still here. I saw her legs today and she is like a skeleton. Still eating a bit of yoghurt and drinking small amounts of water every day. Could be a week or more before she passes.
I have told her I love her more times in the last week than I have in the last 47 years. She moves her gaze to look at me and I talk shite to her for as long as I can find the words, then I run off to cry somewhere she can't hear me.
She was / is the most amazing woman I have ever known. I have never wanted another mother. I hope when I get to the other side I do not disgrace myself in her company.
Love you mum
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My mum finally passed away peacefully in her sleep early this morning. Dementia is a cruel condition which robs you of so much. These last few weeks have been hell but she can rest now and I have a sense of growing calm.
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