Jokes & Funnies

[TheMarlin]

[howardc1951]

My wife sent me a text saying "Your great!". I immediately replied "No, you're great!". She was smiling so much that day that I hadn't the heart to tell her I was just correcting her grammar.


I've seen the way it ends. My kids disconnect my life support machine so they can charge their phones.

[DaveyTed]

Four old school friends were meeting in a bar for a long overdue reunion.
Whilst one man was at the bar ordering drinks the other three started talking about their sons.
The first man said his son was very successful as a banker and only last week he had given his best friend a new Ferrari.
Second man said his son was an airline pilot, wealthy enough to give his friend an executive jet.
The third man said his son was a property developer and had recently had a castle built as a present for his best friend.
When the fourth man returned from the bar they explained their conversation and asked how his son was doing.
He said his son worked as an escort in a gay bar. How terrible they others remarked asking if he was ashamed to admit it.
On the contrary, the man said. "Only last week,for his birthday, friends gave him a Ferrari, an executive jet and a castle."

[howardc1951]

I got married because I'm sick and tired of having to finish my own sentences.

[slinger]

[slinger]

As a 'Cat Person' I can attest to the veracity of the above.

Cats don't have owners - they have staff.

[TheMarlin]

[howardc1951]

Just before you die swallow a whole bag of popcorn kernels - your cremation will be epic.

[TheMarlin]

[TheMarlin]