Mental as anything

[NSNO2021]

I have made a few little changes to my life. Stopped watching or listening tk the news. Also stopped looking at any forums except this one. I have not even switched on my diy system. Trying to eat more healthy food and zero booze.

[NSNO2021]

I invest a small amount of time into trying my best to have a good diet. I avoid all the latest greatest crap you see in the papers and online and prefer to work back from more scientific papers. Below is an example of an article that once again links diet to your state of mind.

https://plus.youexec.com/invite?sr=dk8x ... jb71j&m=ma

[Grumpytim]

Cutting the news out is a great idea - I scim the news now and try not to dwell on the state of the world. Less booze is always a good move. One easy way of generating feel good endorphins is exercise, and with the current weather it would be rude not to. It doesn't have to be a Brownlee intensity triathlon, just a brisk walk for the sheer joy of it. I seriously suffer if my run/swim routine is disrupted due to advanced decrepitude. For me it's a time each day to just take the brain off the hook for a while and just 'be'. Try to focus on the good things around you and don't get stressed if an asshat blunders into your view.

[karatestu]

A lot of my work is physical and when I am done I am usually knackered. I am fit in that sense. Out of breath several times a day unless I'm arsing about with things I shouldn't be (speakers). I don't just ride about on a tractor, the farming is part time alongside tree surgery and other outdoor related work.

Since this all kicked off and I saw my arse I do feel a tiny bit better. The death of one of my best friends at 53 years of age really hit my for six. He almost drank himself to death but was clean for four months before dropping dead with a heart attack. One of the kindest, funniest people I have ever met.

The negative thoughts are still here but I have been able to listen to them sometimes and tell them to go away. What ever the problem is with me I have been suffering (almost silently) for the last twenty years. I have had very little drive in life - what ever opportunities have come my way just fell in my lap. At times I have not cared what becomes of me but becoming a father has forced my hand in that respect. The occasional thought of why am I here, what's the point in my existence, I might as well be dead.

There is very little good that I see apart from my family and friends. Even with them I have to remind myself that all is not a sea of shite. I don't look forward to anything, don't go anywhere and only see people when my wife organises it or I have a band related thing. I dread holidays until I actually get there and end up enjoying myself. Work is all bad. Everyday I think to myself why do i do this, what benefit is it to anybody ?

I detest driving as there's always some selfish arsehole who takes the piss and I end up getting angry at their lack of respect for other road users. The government pisses me off no end which is why turning the news off is such a good idea. Taking my kids to after school activities is nothing but a chore. When I get home all I want to do is nothing. I have no energy, I slowly mope around compared to others who seem to have the get up and go. You can hear the misery inmy voice.

I have an issue with money. I feel guilty earning it and spending it. Others I see flaunting their money are the object of hate in my little mind. I know it's wrong. I begrudge spending money on stuff all the time. Holidays in particular. Everything is a rip off, everybody is out to con me. I want to be that old man who dies with a bit of money but lives in a run down shit hole and has nothing. I catch myself asking myself what have I done to deserve any of it, I am not worthy. The amount of times I have considered gifting my farm land to the donkey sanctuary because I was handed it on a plate.

My mind is all fucked up. It's been like this for 20 years. There is little joy from life, it's all a hard slog with nothing to show for it but death and misery. God, I just thought why do I even bother to type this. The mad drunken stage of my life was two decades long, why didn't I see that it was a sign that things were not how they should be. I could of easily died at various points. Waking up in casualty not knowing how you got there (twice), pissing the bed and not caring, waking up and not remembering how I got home from the pub - but the car is parked in the yard.

[slinger]

Stu. Go and sit with your kids for an hour and play with them.

[SteveTheShadow]

Hi Stu,
I can relate to virtually everything you have written above. I battled 20 years with depression.
I’m not a counsellor, so I hesitate to write this, not wanting to make things worse, but the thing that helped me was of course the mindfulness based cognitive therapy course. However the biggest breakthrough for me was when I realised with the help of the course leader, that my mind was talking complete bollocks 99% of the time.

When you think about it, minds really are monstrous things. Compulsive thinking, ie the inability to stop the constant mental chatter is a terrible affliction. Minds can be like that loudmouthed guest at a party, demanding to be heard whether everyone else likes it or not. You can’t shut minds up. They can be a good tool, but in the wrong circumstances, minds prevent clarity and focus and sow confusion and chaos. Your own mind is probably doing just that right now, which is causing you to suffer.

Notice I said ‘your mind’ I did not say ‘you’ and that is an important distinction. There is ‘you’ and there is the ‘thinker’ and at the moment, the thinker is pulling your strings.

An important way to start mindfulness is to silently watch the thinker in operation and learn its thought patterns. You can’t stop it thinking, but you can watch and be curious about what it gets up to. Think about a timeline, draw one.

At the left hand end write ‘past’ and at the right hand end write ‘future’ and in the middle, write ‘present’

Notice where your mind is right now and you will find that 99.999% of the time it is either at the ‘past’ end or the ‘future’ end of the line. The past end of the line represents exactly what it says, your mind is in the past. At this end can be found, anger, regret, frustration, indignation, feeling hard done by, grief about what has happened to you etc.

If the mind is at the ‘future end of the line it will be feeling anxiety, fear, worry, it’ll be planning, coming up with problems, there may be an urge to procrastinate.

Neither end of the line is healthy. The place where you want to be is in the middle, ie in the present. In the present there are no problems, no worries, no regret no fear, only now, but to the mind, being in this region of the line is not what it wants. It will do anything to be at one or other end rather than in the middle, so we have a problem.

As I said, if you could start by trying to watch the thinker, it will begin to help you to understand what is happening and knowledge is power in this situation.
As a fun activity, try saying to yourself, ‘I wonder what my next thought is going to be,’ What happens is quite interesting.

You might like to have a look at this link.
https://www.oxfordmindfulness.org/learn ... tic-world/

The courses are based on ‘Mindfulness Finding Peace In A Frantic World,’ which in itself is a great book. It was recommended by my course leader at the time.

[antonio66]

A lot of my work is physical and when I am done I am usually knackered. I am fit in that sense. Out of breath several times a day unless I'm arsing about with things I shouldn't be (speakers). I don't just ride about on a tractor, the farming is part time alongside tree surgery and other outdoor related work.

Since this all kicked off and I saw my arse I do feel a tiny bit better. The death of one of my best friends at 53 years of age really hit my for six. He almost drank himself to death but was clean for four months before dropping dead with a heart attack. One of the kindest, funniest people I have ever met.

The negative thoughts are still here but I have been able to listen to them sometimes and tell them to go away. What ever the problem is with me I have been suffering (almost silently) for the last twenty years. I have had very little drive in life - what ever opportunities have come my way just fell in my lap. At times I have not cared what becomes of me but becoming a father has forced my hand in that respect. The occasional thought of why am I here, what's the point in my existence, I might as well be dead.

There is very little good that I see apart from my family and friends. Even with them I have to remind myself that all is not a sea of shite. I don't look forward to anything, don't go anywhere and only see people when my wife organises it or I have a band related thing. I dread holidays until I actually get there and end up enjoying myself. Work is all bad. Everyday I think to myself why do i do this, what benefit is it to anybody ?

I detest driving as there's always some selfish arsehole who takes the piss and I end up getting angry at their lack of respect for other road users. The government pisses me off no end which is why turning the news off is such a good idea. Taking my kids to after school activities is nothing but a chore. When I get home all I want to do is nothing. I have no energy, I slowly mope around compared to others who seem to have the get up and go. You can hear the misery inmy voice.

I have an issue with money. I feel guilty earning it and spending it. Others I see flaunting their money are the object of hate in my little mind. I know it's wrong. I begrudge spending money on stuff all the time. Holidays in particular. Everything is a rip off, everybody is out to con me. I want to be that old man who dies with a bit of money but lives in a run down shit hole and has nothing. I catch myself asking myself what have I done to deserve any of it, I am not worthy. The amount of times I have considered gifting my farm land to the donkey sanctuary because I was handed it on a plate.

My mind is all fucked up. It's been like this for 20 years. There is little joy from life, it's all a hard slog with nothing to show for it but death and misery. God, I just thought why do I even bother to type this. The mad drunken stage of my life was two decades long, why didn't I see that it was a sign that things were not how they should be. I could of easily died at various points. Waking up in casualty not knowing how you got there (twice), pissing the bed and not caring, waking up and not remembering how I got home from the pub - but the car is parked in the yard.

I think that the key here is for you to start liking / loving / respecting / feeling comfortable with yourself. Accepting who and what you are. Having a firm belief that you are a great guy. A worthy human being. That your presence on Earth is of net benefit. The World is a better place with you in it.

I only know you via this forum. This forum has been a better place for you being active on here.
I like your forum personna. There's a high chance I'd like you if I knew you in real life.

You might find this video of interest. He jumps around several topics and concepts. And I don't agree with everything he says. But there is a lot of good advice and wisdom in this video. It's also one of those motivational, feel-good videos.

[NSNO2021]

Thanks Lindsay for your kind words. I certainly get something out of being here with the people who frequent this place (viper pit ) It would be great to meet everybody here some day. This forum gets my manic obsessional side usually, not the sad me (until now). The diy beavering away is my way of blocking it out and trying to get a high. It hasn't worked though.

My wife dug a book out for me called Mindfulness, a practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world. She bought it a couple of years ago but never got round tk reading it. I am going to start right after typing this instead of looking after valueless stuff on the Internet.

I am the king of procrastination but won't delay with this. I recently put off replacing my garage roof until there were so many buckets catching the drips that it wax jmpossible tk get in the place. That's me when I over think the best way of doing something. I over think everything because I want it to be perfect. You may not think that looking at my diy creations but they are all small steps and eventually it all comes together (or not).

[SteveTheShadow]

….My wife dug a book out for me called Mindfulness, a practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world. She bought it a couple of years ago but never got round toreading it. I am going to start right after typing this instead of looking after valueless stuff on the Internet.

Yep, that’s the book.

[Lindsayt]

The Dale Carnegie book How to stop worrying and start living is a great one. Most of it will be stuff you already know. Stuff that's worth reminding yourself about from time to time.

Procrastination is a very natural thing for human beings to do. My guess is that about 97% of us do it.
Psychopaths don't procrastinate. It's worth taking a leaf out of their book. They get very focused on acheiving tasks. So focused that they feel no fear. The mechanics of completing the task is what they focus on. Not the what-ifs.
Highly motivated non-psychopaths will also have a minimum of procrastination. People with a clear goal that they are working towards. That motivates. That fulfills them.

Don't beat yourself up over the procrastination.
It's also possible that you don't procrastinat more than the non-psychopathic average. It could be that you are very aware in the procrastination in you and not aware of the procrastination in others - because you're in your mind all the time and you're not in the mind of others all the time.
It could be that it's like having the self image that you think about sex more than others. When the reality could be that you don't, because it's very difficult to know when another person is thinking about sex, or procrastinating.


One of the Dale Carnegie guidelines to becoming better at public speaking is to focus on your positives and pay no attention to your negatives.

Nobody's perfect. Being good enough is good enough.

Something else is to remind yourself about the I'm OK you're OK thing. Where you can split it into a 2 x 2 grid.

I'm OK you're OK..........I'm OK you're not OK
I'm not OK you're OK...I'm not OK you're not OK

I'm OK, you're OK is the most functional default state of mind.

A great phrase to keep reminding yourself is: perfectionism equals poverty.