Re: Stu
Posted: Sun Oct 23, 2022 8:24 am
My mental health - made some progress here My days are no longer filled with dread, regret, anxiety and sadness. What went wrong I still get those feelings but they no longer dominate. I can now tell them to fuck off and they actually do what I say. I can now actually look forward to things and relish the challenges that life throws my way. I have not felt like this since the late 1990's.
So what has changed ? Looking back I can see exactly where things turned bad, The sadness of losing my mum and becoming an orphan is slowly fading and the pressure of worrying and looking after her has gone. There was now a huge empty hole in my life . I busied myself filling this hole with my grief, tears and many many cans of San Miguel.
Now the brain fog has cleared I can see clearly. I have much to be happy about - lovely wife, two healthy kids who all love me. Hobbies I enjoy and a fairly safe means of providing money. My parents both became ill at the same time. Go back to 2001 and my world was torn apart. Dad ended up a quadriplegic through no fault of his own. The NHS fucked up big time. He struggled on for a further 11 years through chest infection after chest infection with a couple of brushes with pneumonia thrown in for good measure.
Mum started with MS in 2001 after having electric shock treatment on her brain for depression. That progressed slowly but chuck in a couple of mini strokes and vascular dementia for good measure. By 2014 mum couldn't walk so it was safe tk leave her in her own home because she couldn't do herself a mischief. It was vital in my view to have her in her own home. I made this happen. She died peacefully in her home of 52 years.
But 99% of the stress, pressure and sadness was on my shoulders. Although I like two of my three sisters they more or less left everything to me as I was running the farm and was the only one that had not moved away. At least my conscience was clear and I did everything I could to keep her safe, even through the horror of covid. The worry nearly finished me off.
So, my life has taken a big turn . I can finallysee the sunlit uplands. Mum has done this for me. I wouldn'r change what I did but its been bloody hard work, extremely sad and changed my personality.
So what has changed ? Looking back I can see exactly where things turned bad, The sadness of losing my mum and becoming an orphan is slowly fading and the pressure of worrying and looking after her has gone. There was now a huge empty hole in my life . I busied myself filling this hole with my grief, tears and many many cans of San Miguel.
Now the brain fog has cleared I can see clearly. I have much to be happy about - lovely wife, two healthy kids who all love me. Hobbies I enjoy and a fairly safe means of providing money. My parents both became ill at the same time. Go back to 2001 and my world was torn apart. Dad ended up a quadriplegic through no fault of his own. The NHS fucked up big time. He struggled on for a further 11 years through chest infection after chest infection with a couple of brushes with pneumonia thrown in for good measure.
Mum started with MS in 2001 after having electric shock treatment on her brain for depression. That progressed slowly but chuck in a couple of mini strokes and vascular dementia for good measure. By 2014 mum couldn't walk so it was safe tk leave her in her own home because she couldn't do herself a mischief. It was vital in my view to have her in her own home. I made this happen. She died peacefully in her home of 52 years.
But 99% of the stress, pressure and sadness was on my shoulders. Although I like two of my three sisters they more or less left everything to me as I was running the farm and was the only one that had not moved away. At least my conscience was clear and I did everything I could to keep her safe, even through the horror of covid. The worry nearly finished me off.
So, my life has taken a big turn . I can finallysee the sunlit uplands. Mum has done this for me. I wouldn'r change what I did but its been bloody hard work, extremely sad and changed my personality.