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Re: Stu

Posted: Sun Oct 23, 2022 8:24 am
by karatestu
My mental health - made some progress here :dance: My days are no longer filled with dread, regret, anxiety and sadness. What went wrong :lol: I still get those feelings but they no longer dominate. I can now tell them to fuck off and they actually do what I say. I can now actually look forward to things and relish the challenges that life throws my way. I have not felt like this since the late 1990's.

So what has changed ? Looking back I can see exactly where things turned bad, The sadness of losing my mum and becoming an orphan is slowly fading and the pressure of worrying and looking after her has gone. There was now a huge empty hole in my life . I busied myself filling this hole with my grief, tears and many many cans of San Miguel.

Now the brain fog has cleared I can see clearly. I have much to be happy about - lovely wife, two healthy kids who all love me. Hobbies I enjoy and a fairly safe means of providing money. My parents both became ill at the same time. Go back to 2001 and my world was torn apart. Dad ended up a quadriplegic through no fault of his own. The NHS fucked up big time. He struggled on for a further 11 years through chest infection after chest infection with a couple of brushes with pneumonia thrown in for good measure.

Mum started with MS in 2001 after having electric shock treatment on her brain for depression. That progressed slowly but chuck in a couple of mini strokes and vascular dementia for good measure. By 2014 mum couldn't walk so it was safe tk leave her in her own home because she couldn't do herself a mischief. It was vital in my view to have her in her own home. I made this happen. She died peacefully in her home of 52 years.

But 99% of the stress, pressure and sadness was on my shoulders. Although I like two of my three sisters they more or less left everything to me as I was running the farm and was the only one that had not moved away. At least my conscience was clear and I did everything I could to keep her safe, even through the horror of covid. The worry nearly finished me off.

So, my life has taken a big turn . I can finallysee the sunlit uplands. Mum has done this for me. I wouldn'r change what I did but its been bloody hard work, extremely sad and changed my personality.

Re: Stu

Posted: Sun Oct 23, 2022 8:39 am
by Fretless
You have a big heart Stu. Respect.

:romance-grouphug:

Re: Stu

Posted: Sun Oct 23, 2022 9:46 am
by TheMadMick
Little wonder it was depressing - drinking San Miguel? :guiness;

Re: Stu

Posted: Sun Oct 23, 2022 7:36 pm
by karatestu
TheMadMick wrote: Sun Oct 23, 2022 9:46 am Little wonder it was depressing - drinking San Miguel? :guiness;
It seems to be my go to drink at the moment but when the weather turns colder I usually go on to ale. Won't be long.

Re: Stu

Posted: Sun Oct 23, 2022 7:53 pm
by karatestu
It's the end of an era, or so it seems to me. Both parents gone and the farm house empty for the first time in my life. It's like the house time forgot and is actually quite run down.

If we move there it will take an awful lot of time and money to get it in shape. Only three years to go to reach it's 300th birthday. As a single man I would have no problem slumming it there but I have a wife and two children to consider. Not sure what to do.

1) Do it up and rent out the house
2) Do if up and eventually move there myself
3) Sell the site with planning permission for housing.

It's in the middle of a village and so has a good chance of getting planning. The village is now so busy with through traffic and wasn't built for the size of modern agricultural vehicles. I could possibly try and get permission for a farm out of the village or just keep the land, rent it out and stop farming.

A bit of a crossroads in my life. I need to think this through properly. Farming has been a big part of my life and will be hard to give up.

Re: Stu

Posted: Sun Oct 23, 2022 8:17 pm
by karatestu
House extension now put on hold as I don't know if I will be staying here. Bigger house may mean I can accommodate some big speakers in - isobaric doc mod 12 inchers.

I am pretty sure that the biggest cause of problems when I last used those drivers was ths crappy enclosures. And with the design being effectively bipolar there was too much bass due to the baffle step compensation.

Worth another go I reckon. No conventional mid driver though, just use the little SB acoustics full range (well almost) positioned above the up firing 12 inchers. Make a proper enclosure this time.

Re: Stu

Posted: Sun Oct 23, 2022 11:15 pm
by savvypaul
karatestu wrote: Sun Oct 23, 2022 7:53 pm It's the end of an era, or so it seems to me. Both parents gone and the farm house empty for the first time in my life. It's like the house time forgot and is actually quite run down.

If we move there it will take an awful lot of time and money to get it in shape. Only three years to go to reach it's 300th birthday. As a single man I would have no problem slumming it there but I have a wife and two children to consider. Not sure what to do.

1) Do it up and rent out the house
2) Do if up and eventually move there myself
3) Sell the site with planning permission for housing.

It's in the middle of a village and so has a good chance of getting planning. The village is now so busy with through traffic and wasn't built for the size of modern agricultural vehicles. I could possibly try and get permission for a farm out of the village or just keep the land, rent it out and stop farming.

A bit of a crossroads in my life. I need to think this through properly. Farming has been a big part of my life and will be hard to give up.
Assume that you are guaranteed success, then do what you would do.

Re: Stu

Posted: Mon Oct 24, 2022 9:38 am
by CycleCoach
Deciding what would make you (and yours) happiest is a good place to start from.

Re: Stu

Posted: Tue Oct 25, 2022 8:29 pm
by karatestu
1998 Daihatsu Fourtrak sailed through yet another MOT. This thing is bloody amazing. Cost me £12K back in early 2000 and only broke down once in all these years when the fuel solenoid went tits up. At this rate its gonna outlast me, maybe I'll be buried in it.

Re: Stu

Posted: Sat Oct 29, 2022 7:11 pm
by karatestu
Another trip to the scrap yard on Thursday as it was pissing it down. My second load at £400 each and there's quite a few more to go including a 1987 Nissan Micra, three steel oil tanks and assorted farm implements.

There's money in muck tha nos.