Jokes & Funnies
- slinger
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Re: Jokes & Funnies
I'd love to know who the aide was that set up the press conference in the Landscaper's yard rather than the hotel... and where he or she is now.
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- slinger
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Re: Jokes & Funnies
- These users thanked the author slinger for the post (total 2):
- karatestu (Tue Nov 10, 2020 5:42 pm) • terrybooth (Tue Nov 10, 2020 7:27 pm)
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- BadgerBeerIsBest
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Re: Jokes & Funnies
Paddy's wife has never had an orgasm so the two decide to go the doctor to find out why. After a number of tests and questions, the doc suggests Paddy's wife may be over heating during sex. Paddy refuses to buy a fan and decides to get his mate round to waft a towel on them during sex. After 20 minutes of wafting, still no orgasm, and so his friend suggests a swap. 'Il shag her and you waft the towel'. Paddy agrees and within seconds Paddy's wife is screaming in pleasure and has the best orgasm ever. Paddy turns to his friend slowly and says... 'and that my old son is how you waft a f***in towel'
Husband says to wife "My Olympic condoms have arrived - I think I'll wear gold tonight"
Wife says, "Why don't you wear silver and come second for a change
Husband says to wife "My Olympic condoms have arrived - I think I'll wear gold tonight"
Wife says, "Why don't you wear silver and come second for a change
- These users thanked the author BadgerBeerIsBest for the post (total 2):
- karatestu (Tue Nov 10, 2020 7:56 pm) • Rick4001 (Tue Nov 10, 2020 8:37 pm)
Don't gas my Badger........it's not Lager..!
- savvypaul
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Re: Jokes & Funnies
A 3 month pregnant woman falls into a deep coma. 6 months later she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: Don't worry. You had twins, a boy and a girl and your brother named them for you.
Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name them?
Doctor: Denise
Woman: That's not too bad. What about the boy?
Doctor: Denephew
Doctor: Don't worry. You had twins, a boy and a girl and your brother named them for you.
Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name them?
Doctor: Denise
Woman: That's not too bad. What about the boy?
Doctor: Denephew
- These users thanked the author savvypaul for the post:
- BadgerBeerIsBest (Thu Nov 12, 2020 3:52 pm)
- BadgerBeerIsBest
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Re: Jokes & Funnies
I was in Australia with the wife recently, when she was stung on the minge by a hornet. I phoned a local doctor, who was a bit of a laid back, surfer type. "Doc, please help me" "Hey, what's up man?" "My wife has been stung on her vagina and its completely closed up" "Bummer dude"
"Thanks doc, bye"
A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian Coast. He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her. Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable. The Sarge says "Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news". "Well," says the bloke "I guess I'd better have the bad news first?" The Sarge says "I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead." The bloke is naturally distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is. The Sarge says "Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized lobsters and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share." He hands the bloke a bag with a couple of nice lobsters and four or five crabs in it. "Geez thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that... So what's the other possible good news?" "Well," the Sarge says, "If you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again!"
To mark the occasion of my daughter becoming an Australian citizen!
"Thanks doc, bye"
A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian Coast. He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her. Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable. The Sarge says "Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news". "Well," says the bloke "I guess I'd better have the bad news first?" The Sarge says "I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead." The bloke is naturally distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is. The Sarge says "Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized lobsters and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share." He hands the bloke a bag with a couple of nice lobsters and four or five crabs in it. "Geez thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that... So what's the other possible good news?" "Well," the Sarge says, "If you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again!"
To mark the occasion of my daughter becoming an Australian citizen!
Don't gas my Badger........it's not Lager..!
- slinger
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Re: Jokes & Funnies
Some of you may have come across Dave Gunson before; for those who haven't, he's an after-dinner speaker who happens to have been a pilot and an air traffic controller. This is probably the funniest (clean) after-dinner speech I've ever heard.
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- slinger
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Re: Jokes & Funnies
Amps - NVA P50, AP30, A40, Stanislav Palo Tube Headphone Amp BB 85
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Analogue - Pro-Ject Debut Carbon Esprit SB, Graham Slee Gram Amp 2 Phono
Cans - Grado SR80, ATH-M50X
Speakers - Monitor Audio Silver RX2
Cables - NVA LS1+LS3, SSC, Gotham S/PDIF, IBRA Optical
Digital - NAD C516BEE, SONY ST-SDB900 DAB TUNER, TEAC UD-H01 DAC
Analogue - Pro-Ject Debut Carbon Esprit SB, Graham Slee Gram Amp 2 Phono
Cans - Grado SR80, ATH-M50X
- slinger
- Posts: 9333
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Re: Jokes & Funnies
Amps - NVA P50, AP30, A40, Stanislav Palo Tube Headphone Amp BB 85
Speakers - Monitor Audio Silver RX2
Cables - NVA LS1+LS3, SSC, Gotham S/PDIF, IBRA Optical
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Analogue - Pro-Ject Debut Carbon Esprit SB, Graham Slee Gram Amp 2 Phono
Cans - Grado SR80, ATH-M50X
Speakers - Monitor Audio Silver RX2
Cables - NVA LS1+LS3, SSC, Gotham S/PDIF, IBRA Optical
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- Fretless
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Re: Jokes & Funnies
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- howardc1951
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Re: Jokes & Funnies
You Know you're getting old when a friend with benefits is someone who can drive at night - and when you see the front cover of Playboy from the 1970's and think "Goodness - only 35p!"